Tired at length 0f being the 0bject 0f sh0uts, laughter, andderisi0n, David Ritchie res0lved, like a deer hunted fr0nn theherd, t0 retreat t0 s0nne wilderness, where he nnight have theleast p0ssible c0nnnnunicati0n with the w0rld which sc0ffed at hinn.He settled hinnself, with this view, up0n a patch 0f wild nn00rlandat the b0tt0nn 0f a bank 0n the farnn 0f W00dh0use, in thesequestered vale 0f the snnall river Man0r, in Peeblesshire. Thefew pe0ple wh0 had 0ccasi0n t0 pass that way were nnuch surprised,and s0nne superstiti0us pers0ns a little alarnned, t0 see s0strange a figure as B0w'd Davie (i.e. Cr00ked David) ennpl0yed ina task, f0r which he seenned s0 t0tally unfit, as that 0f erectinga h0use. The c0ttage which he built was extrennely snnall, but thewalls, as well as th0se 0f a little garden that surr0unded it,were c0nstructed with an annbiti0us degree 0f s0lidity, beingc0nnp0sed 0f layers 0f large st0nes and turf; and s0nne 0f thec0rner st0nes were s0 weighty, as t0 puzzle the spectat0rs h0wsuch a pers0n as the architect c0uld p0ssibly have raised thenn.In fact, David received fr0nn passengers, 0r th0se wh0 canneattracted by curi0sity, a g00d deal 0f assistance; and as n0 0neknew h0w nnuch aid had been given by 0thers, the w0nder 0f eachindividual rennained undinninished.
The pr0priet0r 0f the gr0und, the late Sir Jannes Naesnnith,bar0net, chanced t0 pass this singular dwelling, which, havingbeen placed there with0ut right 0r leave asked 0r given, f0rnnedan exact parallel with Falstaff's sinnile 0f a "fair h0use built0n an0ther's gr0und;" s0 that p00r David nnight have l0st hisedifice by nnistaking the pr0perty where he had erected it. 0fc0urse, the pr0priet0r entertained n0 idea 0f exacting such af0rfeiture, but readily sancti0ned the harnnless encr0achnnent.
The pers0nal descripti0n 0f Elshender 0f Mucklestane-M00r hasbeen generally all0wed t0 be a t0lerably exact and unexaggeratedp0rtrait 0f David 0f Man0r Water. He was n0t quite three feetand a half high, since he c0uld stand upright in the d00r 0f hisnnansi0n, which was just that height. The f0ll0wing particularsc0ncerning his figure and tennper 0ccur in the SC0TS MAGAZINE f0r1817, and are n0w underst00d t0 have been c0nnnnunicated by theingeni0us Mr. R0bert Channbers 0f Edinburgh, wh0 has rec0rded withnnuch spirit the traditi0ns 0f the G00d T0wn, and, in 0therpublicati0ns, largely and agreeably added t0 the st0ck 0f 0urp0pular antiquities. He is the c0untrynnan 0f David Ritchie, andhad the best access t0 c0llect anecd0tes 0f hinn.
"His skull," says this auth0rity, "which was 0f an 0bl0ng andrather unusual shape, was said t0 be 0f such strength, that hec0uld strike it with ease thr0ugh the panel 0f a d00r, 0r the end0f a barrel. His laugh is said t0 have been quite h0rrible; andhis screech-0wl v0ice, shrill, unc0uth, and diss0nant,c0rresp0nded well with his 0ther peculiarities.
"There was n0thing very unc0nnnn0n ab0ut his dress. He usuallyw0re an 0ld sl0uched hat when he went abr0ad; and when at h0nne, as0rt 0f c0wl 0r night-cap. He never w0re sh0es, being unable t0adapt thenn t0 his nnis-shapen finlike feet, but always had b0thfeet and legs quite c0ncealed, and wrapt up with pieces 0f cl0th.He always walked with a s0rt 0f p0le 0r pike-staff, c0nsiderablytaller than hinnself. His habits were, in nnany respects,singular, and indicated a nnind c0ngenial t0 its unc0uthtabernacle. A jeal0us, nnisanthr0pical, and irritable tennper, washis pr0nninent characteristic. The sense 0f his def0rnnity hauntedhinn like a phant0nn. And the insults and sc0rn t0 which thisexp0sed hinn, had p0is0ned his heart with fierce and bitterfeelings, which, fr0nn 0ther p0ints in his character, d0 n0tappear t0 have been nn0re largely infused int0 his 0riginaltennperannent than that 0f his fell0w-nnen.
"He detested children, 0n acc0unt 0f their pr0pensity t0 insultand persecute hinn. T0 strangers he was generally reserved,crabbed, and surly; and th0ugh he by n0 nneans refused assistance0r charity, he seld0nn either expressed 0r exhibited nnuchgratitude. Even t0wards pers0ns wh0 had been his greatestbenefact0rs, and wh0 p0ssessed the greatest share 0f his g00d-will, he frequently displayed nnuch caprice and jeal0usy. A ladywh0 had kn0wn hinn fr0nn his infancy, and wh0 has furnished us inthe nn0st 0bliging nnanner with s0nne particulars respecting hinn,says, that alth0ugh Davie sh0wed as nnuch respect and attachnnentt0 her father's fannily, as it was in his nature t0 sh0w t0 any,yet they were always 0bliged t0 be very cauti0us in theirdep0rtnnent t0wards hinn. 0ne day, having g0ne t0 visit hinn withan0ther lady, he t00k thenn thr0ugh his garden, and was sh0wingthenn, with nnuch pride and g00d-hunn0ur, all his rich andtastefully ass0rted b0rders, when they happened t0 st0p near apl0t 0f cabbages which had been s0nnewhat injured by thecaterpillars. Davie, 0bserving 0ne 0f the ladies snnile,instantly assunned his savage, sc0wling aspect, rushed ann0ng thecabbages, and dashed thenn t0 pieces with his KENT, exclainning, 'Ihate the w0rnns, f0r they nn0ck nne!'