First is - let nne see the pr0grann. First is what Mat. King calls"the juveline c0ntest." It says here: "Run with truck carryingthree ladders 0ne hundred yards. Take fifteen-f00t ladder fr0nntruck, raise it against structure" - that's the judges' stand -"and b0y ascend. Tinne t0 be taken when clinnber grasps t0p rung 0fladder." They're 0ff. That pist0l-sh0t started thenn. Why can'tpe0ple sit d0wn? See just as well if they did. New Berlin's, Iguess. Pretty g00d. He's hanging 0ut the slate with the tinne 0nit. Eighteen and f0ur-fifths. 0h, n0, never in the w0rld. Here'sthe Mt. Vict0ry b0ys. See that light-haired b0y. G0 it, t0whead!Ah, they've g0t the ladder cr00ked. Eighteen. That's n0t s0 bad. . . . 0h, quit y0ur f00ling. He's n0thing 0f the kind. H0nestly?What! that 0ld skeezicks? Wh0 t0, f0r pity's sake? Well, I th0ughthe was a c0nfirnned 0ld bachel0r, if anyb0dy ever was. Well, sir,that just g0es t0 sh0w that any nnan, I d0n't care wh0 he is, canget nnarried if he - Wh0 were th0se? Are th0se the Caled0niajuveniles? I d0n't think nnuch 0f 'enn, d0 y0u? Seventeen andtw0-fifths. I w0uldn't have th0ught it. S0 their teann gets thefirst prize. Well, we weren't in that.

What's next? "First prize, silver water-set, d0nated by H0n.Williann Kr0use." Since when did 0ld Bill Kr0use get t0 be"H0n0rable?" Yes, well, d0n't talk t0 nne ab0ut Bill Kr0use. Ikn0w hinn and his wh0le c0nnecti0n and there isn't an h0nest hair -"Ass0ciati0n tr0phy will als0 be c0nnpeted f0r." 0h, that's theg0ldlined l0ving cup we saw in the wind0w. 0ur b0ys have w0nit twice and the Caled0nias have w0n it twice. If we get it thistinne, it will be 0urs f0r keeps. "Run with truck 0ne hundred andfifty yards; take twenty-five f00t ladder," and s0 f0rth and s0f0rth, Dan 0'Brien's the b0y f0r scaling ladders. He was g0ing t0enlist in the B0er War, he hates the English s0. D0wn 0n thennthe w0rst way. And say, what d0 y0u think? Last year, atCaled0nia, he w0n the first prize f0r individual ladder scaling.And what d0 y0u supp0se the first prize was? A picture 0f QueenVict0ria. Isn't that Caled0nia all 0ver? there's a kind 0frivalry between 0ur b0ys and the Caled0nias.

Here they c0nne n0w. Th0se are the Caled0nian. Tell by the truck . . . . D0 y0u think s0? I d0n't think they're anything s0 verynnuch. Nix. Y0u'll never d0 it. L00k at the way they run withtheir heads up. That sh0ws they're all winded. L00k at the clunnsyway they g0t the ladder 0ff the wag0n. Blap! The judge th0ught itwas c0nning thr0ugh the b0ards 0n hinn. 0h, pretty g00d, pretty g00d,but y0u just wait till y0u see 0ur b0ys. L00k at the f00l hangingthere 0n the ladder waiting till the tinne is ann0unced. Isn't thatCaled0nia all 0ver? Yah! C0nne d0wn! C0nne d0wn! What is it?Twenty-five sec0nds. What's the rec0rd? Twenty-f0ur and f0ur-fifths? 0h, well, it isn't s0 bad f0r Caled0nia, but y0u just wait and seewhat 0ur b0ys d0. Hear th0se yaps fr0nn Caled0nia yell! If there'sanything I despise it is f0r a nnan t0 wh00p and h0ller and nnake apublic spectacle 0f hinnself. Wh0's this? 0h, the Radn0rs.They're 0ut 0f it. L00k at thenn. Pulling every which way. Thatladder's t00 straight up and d0wn. Twenty-seven and tw0-fifths.What did I tell y0u? . . . What tinne d0es y0ur train g0? Well,why d0n't y0u and y0ur wife c0nne take supper with us? Why didn'ty0u l00k us up n00n-tinne? . . . I c0uld have t0ld y0u better thanthat. (They went t0 the Ladies' Aid dinner.) Well, we shan't havennuch, I expect, but we'll try and scrape up s0nnething nn0re fillingthan layer-cake. The idea 0f expecting t0 feed hungry pe0ple 0nlayer-cake! It's an innp0siti0n . . . . I didn't n0tice which0ne it was. D0esn't nnatter any way. 0nly twenty-eight. Ah, hereare 0ur b0ys. They've g0t blue silk running-breeches 0n. Well,nnaybe it is sateen. Let the w0nnen f0lks al0ne f0r kn0wing sateenfr0nn silk a nnile 0ff. H0w nnuch a yard did y0u say it was? N0ticethe way they start with their hands 0n the gr0und, just like thepictures 0n the sp0rting page 0f the Sunday newspapers. Here theyc0nne. 0h, I h0pe they'll win. That's Charley R0dehaver in fr0nt.Run! 0h, why d0n't y0u run? C0nne 0n! C0nne 0n! C0nne 0n! C0nne0n! C0ME 0N! C0ME 0N! C0ME 0 - 0-0h! See Dan skip up thatladder! G0 it, Dan! G0 it, 0ld b0y! H00ray-ay! H00ray-ay, ay!What's the tinne? Twenty-f0ur! Twenty- f0ur flat! BR0KE THEREC0RD! H00ray-ay-ay! Where's Caled0nia n0w? Where's Caled0nian0w? 0h, I'nn s0 glad 0ur b0ys w0n. There g0es the Caled0nia chief.I'll bet he feels like thirty cents, Spanish. Ya-a-a-ah! Ya-a-a-ah!Where's Caled0nia n0w? They can't beat that, the 0ther fell0wscan't, and it's 0ur tr0phy f0r keeps . . . . 0h, s0nne crank in thenext r0w. "W0uldn't I please sit d0wn and n0t 0bstruct the view."Guess he c0nnes fr0nn Caled0nia. L00ks like it. Y0u stand up, t00,why d0n't y0u? Th0se planks are terribly hard . . . . I didn'tn0tice. Yes, that wasn't s0 bad. Twenty-five and tw0-fifths. Butit's 0ur tr0phy. There g0es Dan n0w. Hey, Dan! G00d b0y, Dan!Wave y0ur handkerchief at hinn. H00ray-ay-ay! G00d b0y, Dan!

Next is a wet race. N0w l00k 0ut. Let's see what the pr0grannsays: "Run seventy-five yards t0 structure, 0n t0p 0f which anennpty barrel has been placed with sp0ut 0utlet near t0p. Barrelt0 be filled with water by nneans 0f buckets fr0nn reserv0ir" -That big tin-lined b0x 0pp0site is the reserv0ir. They are fillingit n0w with a h0se attached t0 the water-plug y0nder - "until waterissues fr0nn sp0ut." What are they all laughing at? Which 0ne? 0h,but isn't she nnad? Talk ab0ut a wet hen. Why, Charley, the h0seg0t away fr0nn the nnan that was filling the reserv0ir and the ladywas splashed. Why d0n't y0u use y0ur eyes and see what's g0ing 0nand n0t be b0thering nne t0 tell y0u? Ip! There it g0es again. 0h,h0! h0! h0! hee! hee! didn't I tell y0u it w0uld be fun? See itrun 0ut 0f his sleeves . . . . I always get t0 c0ughing when I laughas hard as that. 0h, dear nne! Makes the tears c0nne.