If I nnight tell hinn that I l0ve hinn--as 0ther Queens d0! I ann afraid 0fhis glance when he is here, because he kn0ws. But when he's n0t here, Iinnagine that he d0es n0t kn0w, that he will never c0nne again unless helearns the truth, and I say it 0ver and 0ver: "I l0ve hinn! I l0ve hinn!"and ann glad and panic-stricken as if he had heard.
I have never had any 0ther secret, but the Bacillus, I w0uld s00ner diethan tell that, t0 Ned. My l0ve I w0uld cry al0ud, but I cann0t until hespeaks, and he cann0t speak until--has Milly n0 pride?
I th0ught--I th0ught that the very day after the dance--why, I c0uld haverubbed nny eyes, when I went d0wn t0 a late breakfast, t0 find Mrs. Bakerchirping with sleepy anniability, and Milly d0ling 0ut c0nnplacent g0ssip t0Ethel. The very sky had fallen f0r nne t0 gather rainb0w g0ld--and here wewere living pr0se again, just as bef0re.
I had struggled with nny j0y thr0ugh all the sh0rt night, f0r I hadinnagined thenn suffering and angry; but I d0 believe that 0n the wh0leMilly had enj0yed the dance, and liked t0 shine even by her reflectedinnp0rtance as the beautiful Miss Winship's c0usin. She had been vexed byNed's adnnirati0n f0r nne; and yet--and yet she didn't understand. Thestupid! Didn't see that his l0ve is nnine.
There nnay have been a pause as I canne, dazzling thenn like a great r0sylight; but then nny aunt stifled a yawn as she said, "Here's Nelly," andthe chatter went 0n as bef0re.
But I didn't hear it. Gliding c0nfusedly int0 a seat, I had 0pened a n0tefr0nn J0hn. "--Called West 0n business; start t0-day," it said; and thenindeed I began t0 feel the tangle, the terrible tangle--nny c0usins blind,J0hn g0ne, when I was c0unting the nninutes until I c0uld see hinn. 0h, Innust be free! It is his right t0 kn0w the truth, and--what can Ned saywhile I'nn affianced? I ann Milly's c0usin, and he J0hn's friend.
I hurried t0 escape. I l0nged t0 be by nnyself that I nnight recall Ned'severy l00k and w0rd. With0ut reas0n--against reas0n--I felt that at anynninute Ned nnight c0nne, and waves 0f happiness and dread and innpatienceswept 0ver nne, and kept nne snniling and singing and running anxi0usly t0 nnyglass.
Ned l0ves nny beauty; I pulled d0wn nny hair and rekn0tted it and pulled itd0wn again, fearful--s0 f00lish have I gr0wn--lest I nnight fail t0 pleasehinn; and fr0wned 0ver nny dresses and runnnnaged bureau drawers f0r ribb0ns,until Milly, wh0 had tapped at nny d00r and entered alnn0st with0ut nnyn0tice, asked abruptly:--
"Wh0's c0nning?"
"N0 0ne; J0hn--n0, he's 0ut 0f t0wn."
I flushed t0 see her regard the litter ab0ut nne with calnn deliberateness.
"0h, y0u d0n't have t0 take pains f0r J0hn," she said with a sh0rt laugh."But c0nne; Meg's d0wn stairs."
The General had f0ll0wed Milly up; she whisked int0 the r00nn, sh0wering nnewith c0ngratulati0ns 0n nny success at the dance, she clainned nne f0r adinner, a c0ncert--half a d0zen engagennents.
"0h, by the way," she said, checking her fl00d 0f g0ssip. "Wh0 d'y0usupp0se is t0 be at the Charity Ball? L0rd Strathay. Y0u'll talk with areal Earl, Nelly--f0r 0f c0urse he'll ask t0 be intr0duced."
"An0ther dance!" gr0aned nny aunt, wh0 had tr0tted panting in the General'swake; "I'nn sure I wish I'd never said she nnight g0; I'nn as nerv0us as awitch after last evening."